Sorry for the absence here of new postings, had a brief detour of the mind these last few weeks but am working my way back to…at least, what I perceive, sanity to be.
Like many of you, this last year was a hard one for me on a few different levels…My job of 17 years took a disturbing turn…. financially and personally. I was told that my years of experience…my abilities were no longer worth what they were a year ago. I watched people around me lose their homes…. their jobs…. their hope. I watched the people in power lose their minds…(not that they had ones worth holding on to in the first place)
I had to downgrade my insurance coverage because I could no longer afford the high premiums this year….and as if the insurance gods needed a chuckle, my life-long battle with arthritis decided to kick into high gear…The pain…the extra cost, I can deal with but watching the constant fear in the eyes of my sons is much harder. There are times when I second guess my decision to always be honest with them. They are the focus of my strength though and when I think I can’t take much more they remind me that I can. They worked so hard to make this holiday season good for so many less fortunate people…All the little things that I couldn’t do this year….they did. I was going to sit down and tell you all about it when I found that 2011 wasn’t quite done making me cry…
One of those unspoken truths that no one warns us about… is the older one gets the more we find ourselves having to say final good-byes to people who have shared all or part of our life pathways with us. Losing even one is sad…I can’t put into words how I loss four of the most awesome people I couldn’t of been more blessed with having known this year. Than right after Christmas, I received word of the passing of a very special man, whose journey with me…kept me when I was young from cutting my own time on this earth short after a traumatic event left me believing that there wasn’t a place for me here. He helped me find that part of me that has enabled me to not only pick myself up each time I’ve fallen but to reach out and help others do the same. He would never give me the right answers instead he would shine just enough light so that I usually could find them and if all else failed, I would learn that sometimes it was the question that was wrong to begin with. We were from different places and time in life…yet right from the start there was a unique unseen…. unspoken bond between us. I can count on one hand the number of people in my life that I can say this of. I shall miss his deep voice and gentle eyes. I will strive to pay forward the richness of caring that he left me with.
Wanting to end this on a cheery note…There have been many many wonderful things in my life this last year… One of positive event for me… has been finding this place to put some moments & memories down in print. I have enjoyed it…my sons have enjoyed it and hopefully so have you. I am still new at this but am excited to keep learning and getting better.
I didn’t get a chance to come tell you,all, Happy New Year but I do wish everyone a better year than we’ve just got done with. I’m sending only the best of thoughts for only the best of things to come… I promise to share what I can with you and hope that I can give you a smile or two along the way.